Random Thoughts

The Middle Wife

2009-11-11T19:59:26Z

A grammar school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two children myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own first-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a child, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Children bring in pet, turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Anna, a very bright, very outgoing child, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant and says, This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birth day "

First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The children are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going Oh, oh,oh!'"

Anna puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, Oh, oh, oh!'" Now the child is doing this hysterical duck walk; holding her back and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."

Anna lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

This child is sitting on the floor with her little hands miming water flowing away.

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe." They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff. They said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there for him to do. Then the Middle wife smacked him for crawling up in there. "

Then Anna stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Anna comes along!

BOOSH!!!

2009-11-03T19:14:47Z

Our Boosh Adventure!

2009-11-03T14:33:31Z

...WAS AMAZING!

lol. The short run down went as follows:

- 2220 - train to glasgow.

- 2300 - outside borders; no one is around.

- 2355 - cinema to see Zombieland. Was pretty awesome.

- 0145 - set up camp outsid borders.

- 0230 - other people started turning up.

- 0300 - some drunk guitar player sang to us.

- 0530 - some big black guy stood chatting me up for about an hour. Button was jealous.

- 0600 - borders let button in so she could pee.

- 0730 - the queue is right around the back of the building.

- 0800 - the event organisers come out to talk to us.

- 0830 - we get our wrist bands. We're the first three people to arrive and to take part in the sack race.

- 0900 - mcdonalds for the loo.

- 0930 - we head back to the cinema to get tickets for UP in 3D.

- 1000 - film starts - me and stu curl up in the cinema for a sleep.

- 1230 - film is over - button wakes us up. we head to the loo.

- 1300 - standing outside borders as they set up the sack race. we're given our giant pockets.

- 1310 - we manage to find the gays. :) love it.

- 1320 - we record our parts for the mighty boosh's next dvd. i get massive stage fright.

- 1325 - we do th sac race. we manage to come in 8th, 9th and dead last. I was the only racer to fall on my cunt.

- 1330 - we get sent to the very front of the queue to wait on the boosh coming to sign the books.

- 1400 - the boosh turn up. noel is awesome. as is everyone else; bar jullian barrett who looks like he's either shy in person, or just plain cannae be arsed.

- 1410 - we get our books signed. i ask if noel will sign my tattoo and the bouncer says we dont have time. NOEL stands up for me and signs it anyway! Wooo!!!

- 1430 - all done and heading to mcdonalds again for button to change into her hallowe'en costume. frank from donnie darko, curtosy of me.

- 1500 - we head to central. button meets up with carly. me and stu head for the train.

- 1630 - i'm home, dani and i change sam into his hallowe'en costume. a little mummy. so cute.

- 1700 - we take him round to see girls in 102. they give him a fluffy duck :D

- 1730 - i go to bed.

- 1800 - i fall asleep.

- 2100 - dani wakes me up... :'( for food.

- 2230 -i go back to bed.

...And that was about it.

We all got to keep our sacks. So now i have a giant denim pocket...

I have also kept noel's autograph on my boob. i'll be repenning it so that it doesnt fade before i have a chance to get it tattoo's over.

there is pictures and video's to follow.

x

Miracle Baby

2009-10-30T16:50:43Z

THE EVENT

2009-10-30T15:58:44Z

Woke up today at 0800 with the boy and had planned to get some sleep before tonight but i'm too excited! lol.

So we're now 9 hours in to our 36 hour Boosh Adventure! hehe.

Me and Button are going up to glasgow on the 2220 train and heading to see Zombieland at 2355. That should take us to about 0130, when we shall head straight to Borders.

We're setting up camp outside the doors using blackbags and a golf brolly :)

Hopefully by arriving at about 0200 we'll be two of the first 10 people there. :)

Checklist:

Food
Flask of Coffee
Munchies
Playing Cards
Black Bags
Toiletries/Toilet Roll
Music/Speaker/Headphones
Camera/Batteries
Books/Recipt

Soo much excitement!

x

Button's 'EIGHT'

2009-10-27T02:47:48Z

I love my wee blister. Button - you are the shizz NIZZ!!!

Know Alien Resurrection? Wel it's my ALL TIME favourite movie... I heart Winona Ryder and all that but SIGOURNEY WEAVER is just plain SHAGadelic.

Aye, anyway... so... Eleanor Ripley is played by Ms Weaver in all the Alien movies, right? But in Resurection [Alien IV] she is actually a clone of Ripley, casue the government want the alien queen in her chest that she sacrifises herself to kill in the third movie.

Ehm... AYE! - SO! She turns out to be the EIGHTH clone [1-7 are highly retarded as she finds out before she decides to set them all on fire], which is why she has this '8' tattoo'd to her right forearm at the join of her elbow.

Well, now I HAVE AN '8' AT THE JOIN OF MY RIGHT FOREARM and ELBOW! WOOOO!!!!

And Sarah done it! And concidering she hadn't even held a tattoo gun before... IT FUCKING KICKS ALL FORM OF ASSSS!

So there.

We're just plain COOL.

Oh Yeah. x

BOOSH!!!!

2009-10-26T16:38:05Z

Me and Sarah are going up to Glasgow on the last train and heading out to the cinema. Hopefully gunna catch a midnight movie. That should take us up to about 0200. Then we're heading for munchies, and camping outside Borders til 0830.

The reason we're in Glasgow so late at night... and sticking around in the wee early hours...

The Mighty Boosh!

The Boosh are doing a book signing on Hallowe'en a 1400. It's a wrist band event and only 250 people are being let in. Wristbands go out at 0830, so we want to be the first people there!

The first 10 people get iven a giant pocket and are invited to take part in a sackrace down bucchanan street for a chance to meet the cast one on one! Cannae wait!

I'm pretty sure that me and Sarah will be the FIRST people there... lol. Hangng around ALL night. In any case, we'll deffinately be two out of 250.

WITHOUT FAIL - I WILL GET Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt TO SIGN MY BOOBS!!! Gunna get them to initial beside my tattoo so that i can get it inked on next to my Boosh ink.

I hope they like my BOOSH tattoo... :)

xxx

November Waits

2009-10-26T14:49:34Z

It's coming up to that time of year. The xmas buz is hitting people left right and centre. I am, or once, actually excited about xmas this year. We have a new little mind to warp with tales of Santa and the good and naughty list. Heh.

Sam is going to have an amazing first xmas.

So... 6th November. Thats coming up fast. The 6th November was the day I conceived. One whole year ago. Can't believe it's gone so quickly. Mind you, i'm sure if we take a trip down memory lane and delve back a couple of dozen entries we'll find a time when Sam wasn't coming quick enough! And nows he's here... and he's almost sitting up on his own. Laughing and goo-gaa'ing and soo happy. I love him so much.

My mum was right though - I never knew what she meant about having a baby being a bit of an anti-climax. I thought she'd meant that it wasn't as exciting as it's made out to be. But now i know that isn't at all what she meant...

..I expected to feel... well, different. Like a mummy. I dont know how 'like a mummy' if supposed to feel, or quite what i'd imagined it would be like, but i know i expected it to feel like... something. Something different.

It doesn't. I just feel like me. I feel like nothing has changed apart from my weight, and it does get to me. I'll admit it now - it is a bit depressing. I am a bit depressed. :(

I hate the way i look now. Everyone says i suit the extra weight in my face... but i liked the way i looked before. I dont mind the new arse, or the nice 32D's my amazing son has blessed me with... i dont even mind my wee podgey belly. It's the face... the cubby face. And my broad shoulders, and huge hips and thighs.

Sigh. I had a fucking great figure! Shame that's me only just realising it now. Gutted.

BUT MY SON IS AMAZING! And apart from not wanting to be near him when i'm feeling sad because he senses it and it makes him cry, I don't ever want to be far from him. I hope me and my son have the same close relationship i have with my mum. :) That'd be my one dream. My one wish. I wish he loves me.

xx

Jacob

2009-09-24T20:40:25Z

So, remember back when I thought I was having twins? Then when we thought I'd had a 'clot' that may not have been a 'clot'...

Well I had one of my dreams two nights ago, one of my I-should-ask-if-that-was-a-sign dreams.

Sam was laughing and crawling on the bed, and I was moving so he could change direction and crawl towards me. Picking him up and throwing him back into the centre of the bed, we were all having great fun. But there was another baby boy, Sam's age and looked very similar, sitting on the bed at the pillows, laughing along with Sam and just content watching him wherever he crawled.

I shouted on Dani to bring in a camera as it was Sam's first real fast crawls. She came in and we took a few good snaps of Sam crawling and of us all on the bed. But when I looked back at the pictures the other baby wasn't there...

So I woke up kinda sad... and had a wee Captain Fantastico moment to myself. I spoke about it to Dani and we discussed getting him a houseplant on the offchance he did exist. We agreed on a sunflower. They really do trumpet life. Following the sun all day. Face to the sky.

Last night I asked Cptn. Fantastico to let me dream of him again during the night, or give me a sign that he was real.

I don't think I dreamt of him. I don't know for sure, I can't remember my dreams... but all day today, everywhere I look, in real life and on tv and in pictures and internet videos... standing tall and looking proud, are these amazing big sunflowers...

How often do you see sunflowers? Not very often in my previous experience... but there they where.

We've decided we are going to get a seed, and grow it in our house.

A Sunflower.

For our Jacob.

Canvases Now On The Go

2009-09-24T20:18:16Z

I'm now doing my first lot of Canvases - most which will be for sale.

A very crappy picture to follow; this is the two main styles i'll be creating out of my Body Printing experiment.

Canvases are pretty cheap compaired to others, considering the work put into them.

Spread the word. The money goes towards getting my tattoo finished - as all my other money goes to baby Samuel :)

Doctor 24

2009-09-07T16:28:58Z

Sarah ended up in hospital last night after the doc told her he wasn't happy about her illness because of her autoimmune dissorder. Turns out it was the swine flu we all where dropping like fly's with. She got it worst of all, obviously, as her body just couldn't fight it off like ours.

They've given her tamiflu but she's not getting it. Fucking doctors don't listen. The fact that she has it is evidence enough of that... after me going to my doc for advice and the responce i got from him.

Sarah's had liver and kidney issues before, and already has blood in her urine. And you're not supposed to take the tamiflu is you've got kidney problems.

That and the side effects of the tamiflu are actually worse than the influenza!!

So she's not getting it.

She'll be fine though.

I was there for the Calls from the Towers last night and i'm going down again tonight to watch the 102 Minutes that changed America. Sick interest in 9/11. Love all the documentaries.

x

Artist X

2009-09-03T19:42:02Z

I'm doing personalized body printing as of now. I'll get some photo's up soon of the work. Just something different.

Another 'different' idea and money making scheme.

But it does involve my desire for the erotica with out having to do anything too risque. lol.

x

Flu

2009-09-01T14:54:28Z

So, me and the missus have the flu. Fucking ignorant doctor pretty much told me that he didn't care if i thought I had Swine Flu, cause there's nothing he was going to do for me anyway.

'You'll never know if you've got it or not, because we dont do the swabs anymore.'

'Well, if you're ill there's a chance you'll already have given it to your son so there's not much point in going on about it.'

'You're sister could get it going to tesco... it doesn't matter if you have it.'

'You're on antibiotics anyway, what more do you want me to do?'

---- That was his words when I told him that me and Dani are ill - that she's really not well on the couch. That we both have asthma and that we have a 7 weeks old son and that we are both in contact with my little sister who has an autoimmune disorder.

Apparently it doesnt matter if we give it to Samuel or Sarah... because it's just another flu and they could get it else where anyway...

Can you believe the fucking cheek of that?!

If you have a very young child or a sick sibling, and knew that you had something that could potentially have major reprocusions for them - would you want to know?

I would! - If i had it i'd find someone to take Sammy for us while we got over it... and sure as hell would be staying clear of Sarah!

I hate Doctors. They're the biggest arrogant arse holes of them all.

x

Le Polo Bali Bongo

2009-08-17T18:34:33Z

Alistair, or Uncle Ali these days, took me out last night. Out on the town. Out on the scene.

It was great. Got quite drunk... needed a good blow out though - even my mum said so.

Thank you bali... it was good to get to be Bali and Lola again for a night ;p

Tunnel next time ;p

xXx

Colic

2009-08-12T20:35:52Z

The wee man has windy tummys. It's distressing for the entire family at the moment. Mamma is only just really realising how bad he is and how stressed i am being left with him alone all day when he's screaming his wee heart out.

He goes purple, he's crying that hard. His wee poor voice breaks and it's horrible.

His wee poo's go from putty-like to thick soup to orange water and back in a matter of days at a time. I'm at a loss.

Keep telling the health visitors and family members and the doctors that i can't cope. I'm not coping... me and Dani broke up and got back together the other night.

When we faught, we actually faught. It was horrible. I ruined the bedroom wall by throwing a full mug of tea round her... so now on top of being sore and sad and crying and NOT COPING i also have to repaint the bedroom at some point.

If he ever settles down and stops being sore and gets into a routine, and if i ever stop feeling guilty and hopeless and helpless and like i'm doing everything wrong.

I'm just trying to be a good mum... doesnt seem to me like i'm coping well enough to be that either.

:'(

Check It Out

2009-08-11T19:42:57Z

12th hour, 34th minute, 56th second on the 7th day of the 8th month of the 09th year...

12:34:56 7/8/09

123456789

Hehe... now that's pretty keewl...

x

RE: The Previous Predictions

2009-08-08T21:06:53Z

My predictions where...

IF/WHEN MY WATERS BREAK: Yes - 2 hours after my contractions start.
DATE I GO INTO LABOUR: 9th July.
HOW LONG I'LL BE IN LABOUR: 6 hours.
DATE I GIVE BIRTH: 10th July.
TIME OF BABY'S BIRTH: 0508.
BABY'S WEIGHT: 6lb 9oz.

The actual fact was...

IF/WHEN MY WATERS BREAK: Yes - 2 hours before my contractions started.
DATE I GO INTO LABOUR: 12th July.
HOW LONG I'LL BE IN LABOUR: 6 hours.
DATE I GIVE BIRTH: 13th July.
TIME OF BABY'S BIRTH: 0711.
BABY'S WEIGHT: 7lb 9oz.

Wasn't too far off actually. lol. And I realised aswell that all the numbers I used for my predictions where based on events and other dates and other relative numbers from my past that are milestones in my life -

I said i'd give birth at 0508 - I gave birth at 0711 [funnily enough the 7th Sept was a big date in my past...]

Also my sleeve tattoo is going to have a 5 and an 8 on it as part of what it represents hense why i said 0508 - 5 + 8 is 13, he was born on the 13th. Meh - Numerology. You find it where you look for it.

;p x

#2?

2009-08-06T19:42:02Z

So... my PUPPPs cleared up pretty much as soon as I passed a clot in my Mums.

The Sunday night after Sam was born I felt a really strong pressure and contracted a little, and when I went to the loo it came out in my underwear. It looked like a little sack... a little dark red sack with little light red bit at the end.

I instantly felt like I was empty... like I wasn't pregnant anymore, and like my heart was breaking... In my heart of hearts I don't believe that it was just a clot.

I kept it for the Midwife to come see it on her next visit. She proded it a bit and started to pick away the little light red bit. She looked at me and said that the little red bit was a piece of tissue and the darker red [sack] bit was just a blood clot that formed around it. I really honestly don't believe that it was. I think maybe she was just not telling me what it was in order to save my feelings being hurt when I was already in so much physical agony. No need for me to be mentally hurt aswell.

But I looked at that little clot [sack!] and where she had pulled off the little red bit there was all little vieny bits threaded through it. It was just so dark and red... the way Sam's placenta was when it came away.

I'm pretty convinced that Sam was a twin.

Right up until about 8 weeks or so I was convinced I was having twins... I even told people... and other people even said that I could be having twins.

Then all of a sudden that feeling just disappeared and I stopped getting as big as quick.

Though when I gave birth I still didn't feel like I had. I thought it was just because of my infection or my split abdomen. But as soon as that little thing came out of me that was it. I was tired and sore and teary and all the things I felt after Sam was born.

And it makes so much more sense that the male DNA that seeped back into my blood steam was that of a dead twin rather than a fully alive and developing feotus. And it would explain why I ended up with a Uterine infection aswell, after my entire pregnancy and labour was pretty much perfectly done.

That, and since it happened my stomach has shrunk quite a good bit, and my bleeding has stopped.

Uct I don't know... if I had been pregnant with twins and one didn't survive it was probably meant to be that way - I can't afford to be upset over it but in a way I am gutted. But not in the way you'd think. If one of my baby's died... I'd have at least liked to know - you should be allowed to mourn these things.

I just hate the idea that there's a little angel up there looking down on me and I'm it's mummy... and no one was brave enough to tell me...

If i can, i'm going to research into it a bit... and if i decide that it's more likely than not that it could have been Samuels twin, then i'll be giving him a name, praying he's safe and planting a tree in his memory.

Even though he was in utero, he was still a little life, and ALL life should be recognised and valued. I'll be damned if his shouldn't just because he never made it past birth.

:'(

Pruritic Uticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy

2009-08-06T18:04:08Z

Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP), also known as polymorphic eruption of pregnancy, is the most common rash in pregnant women. It normally occurs in first pregnancies during the third trimester with an average onset of 35 weeks. Thankfully, PUPPP does not usually affect subsequent pregnancies.

The rash of PUPPP almost always begins in the stretch marks (striae) of the abdomen. It does not involve the belly button distinguishing it from other common rashes of pregnancy. The rash itself consists of small, red wheals in the stretch marks that grow together to form larger wheals on the abdomen. Sometimes the rash can include small vesicles. Over the next several days, the rash can spread over the thighs, buttocks, breasts, and arms.

The rash is very itchy, or pruritic, hence the name. This condition is harmless to mother and baby, but can be very annoying. It lasts an average of 6 weeks and resolves spontaneously 1 to 2 weeks after delivery. The most severe itching normally lasts for no more than 1 week.

The cause of PUPPP is unknown. It is not associated with preeclampsia, autoimmune disorders, hormonal abnormalities, or fetal abnormalities. Some investigators suggest that the rapid abdominal wall distension damages connective tissue and causes an inflammatory response. One study has shown that male fetal DNA can be found in skin biopsies of the rash. Since 70% of women with PUPPP give birth to boys, a new hypothesis is that male fetal DNA acts as a skin irritant.

PUPPP occurs in 1 out of 160,240 initial pregnancies. [HOW GOD DAMN LUCKY AM I?]

---------------------

Turns out, baby boys DNA seeped back through the placenta into my own bloodstream. My body didn't detect it as a foreign body til after he was born therefore it had been given the chance to spread all over my torso, legs, arms, feet and bum. Once detected my body expelled this DNA from my blood through my skin, making me welt and itch uncontrollably. The doctor was called out and I was prescribed an oil-based steroid ointment that once applied managed to further spread the rash from the small welts all over to large patched of horrendous blisters thatweeped and itched and eventually turned my skin to leather.

Apparently my blood couldn't control it's own temperature because of this rash and it over heated, causeing my skin to litterally BURN the oil-based ointment onto my legs and bum where I had applied it. Thus causing my PUPPPs to co-exist nicely as a burn aswel, just to add extra discomfort.

TWO WEEKS OF HELL!

The ONLY thing that helped in the end was Sudocrem and TubeyGrips.

I had not-a-ONE single bloody stretch mark until after this rash appeared, and now i've been left scarred for life. *sigh*

Oh well. Stretch marks and patchy skin means I now don't need a tattoo to mark me as a reminder of Samuel being born.

x

Certified

2009-08-06T17:42:13Z

The boy is now registered. :)

Master Samuel-Alexander Alistair Murray. Welcome to the big wide world. xxx

0711 7.13.09 "S-A.A.M"

2009-08-06T17:34:42Z

Samuel Alexander Alistair Murray
Born naturally in the Rankin Maternity Unit at 0711 on 13.07.09 weighing 7lb 9oz.

The Birth Story
^{(contains subject matter that some may find graphic)}

On Sunday [12th July] during the day I began to have those horrible ripping sensations where the baby was kicking me in the right side. I was feeling ill and had mentioned to Dani and my Mum that I felt like I was beginning to get morning sickness again. We decided to get out and about for a while and my Mum said I could drive them all to the shops. We went to Lidl and as I was starting the car to head home I felt a Hick starting up. I felt my wee hard bump and joked with Sarah that my waters were going to break in the drivers seat. We laughed about it - little did we know I was going to meet our son in little under 12 hours!

When we got home I'd been really cranky; arguing with Mum and Sarah about making dinner. I ended up making a Fry Up for us all at about 2030. At 2230, while I was sitting watching telly with the family I felt like I needed to pee. When I stood up it all seemed to just dribble out - I ran to the loo and everyone laughed at me. They thought I'd pee'd myself; I thought I'd pee'd myself! It never donned on me it could be my waters breaking.

I went back to the sofa and lay down. Within seconds I was crippled with cramp in my abdomen and lower back. I tried to get up off of the couch but I couldn't take my own weight and had to shout on Sarah to help pull me off of my side. I felt another, bigger gush and limped to the toilet. When I got there I found that I'd wet right through to my jammies. The contractions where making me need to poop uncontollably so I was locked to the toilet seat in the most uncomfortable fashion. When I could finally move from the loo I wiped away a streaky, bloody discharge which I knew could be an indication that my waters had gone. I called for Dani and laughed.

'I think my water are going...'

*chuckle* '...really?'

'... MUM!'

So I watched out for more contractions; which didnt take very long. By 0100 the contractions were coming every 5 minutes and lasting a good minute each. I decided to call the Midwives up to tell them that I could very well be coming in during the night. They told me that I should come in to be sure if my waters had in fact broke; as I'm low risk, if my waters had gone then I'd only get 24 hours to deliver baby or else I'd have to go to Paisley to be monitored. We arrived at the hospital at 0140 and got me checked out. It was evident that labour was on its way. I was to go home to let labour kick in properly. By this point I was having very sore contractions and didn't really want to leave the hospital, but even my mum said I wasn't very close and I should go home and get some sleep.

We headed to my Aunty Maggies at 0230 for a cuppa. I was in total discomfort; standing up was excrusiating as it gave me the most horrendous pressure in my bum, sitting down was difficult as I felt like I needed to be sick, lying down was just imposible with the pressure in my bum moving everywhere! I was stuck, I couldn't move without being in some form of pain. It took me 10 minutes to climb the stairs to get to the toilet as the pressure in my bum made me feel like I contantly needed to poo... but when I sat down nothing came. After a few minutes I was terrified to find that every time I moved any part of my lower body - even my toes - I was contracting heavily. I couldn't get off of the toilet and by this point I was sobbing and moaning through the peaks. Dani and Mum raced after me when they heard my moans getting louder.

'Right. Get you home for a kip, you're causing the household distress.' joked my Mum. She was under the impression that I was just getting myself into a panic. They had to pull me up off the loo and help walk me down the stairs and out to the car. My contractions made it so that I wasn't getting any relief in between them. It was as though I was just having one big contraction that peaked and dipped and peaked and dipped. Not really wearing off to let me prepair for the next one. I was in total agony.

Mum was driving at 20 miles an hour the whole way home and I felt like I was on a roller coaster! I started my breathing techniques and found that it made me feel better to moan deeply as I was breathing out. Before I knew it Dani, Mum and Sarah had started to join in. It must have been hillarious if people had seen it. A car full of four women driving past all housing schemes at 20 miles an hour moaning loudly in unison.

When we got to my Mums I lifted myself out of the car and managed to walk five feet to a green electricity box on the pavement. Leaning over it I felt this urge to dip my pelvis down, my knees giving way under me. My body was pushing... I was totally out of control. My Mum realised, finally, that maybe home wasn't where I needed to be.

'Stop screaming, you'll wake the neighbours!'

'FUCK THE NEIGHBOURS!'

'Screw this - get the Midwives back on the phone. This is happening too fast.'

I was back in the car minutes later and didn't even dare open my eyes. I just concentrated on breathing through. Mum pulled up right outside the entrance to A&E where we were met by three ambulance paramedics out on a fag break. They took one look at me clutching my tummy, hobbling from the car to the hospital and rushed to get me a wheelchair. It was now 0450.

Up in the Maternity Unit everyone kept telling me to calm down... I was only just in established labour and that it could be hours and hours before anything starts to really happen. I knew I wasn't panicing, I was just closer than everyone thought. I was sobbing whole heartedly; the only thing I could say was 'Please, God...' although I don't remember saying much at all. The contractions where rippling through my whole body even before I got to the hospital, so I was given Gas and Air as soon as I arrived.

The Midwives helped me up on the bed so they could check me over. I don't really remember being on the bed for very long. It was so painful to be reclined, so I was offered a bath. The Midwives advised that Sarah would have to wait in the reception as I could only have two people in with me. Dani and Mum were staying to keep me calm.

I remember walking from the bed to the bath while all these hands were stripping me down. It was surreal, as though the pain just took over and everything else was just a total blur. Getting in the bath was agony, opening my legs was horrendous, but lying in the hot water felt great. The water took the weight off of my back and my bum. The Midwife had a feel at my tummy and explained that the reason I was in so much pain was that my baby was in the Occiput Posterior Position; where the baby is back to back, head down but facing forward instead of head down facing back. This meant that the baby was decending into my back passage instead of coming down gently into the birth canal. The baby will have to move 180 degrees and engage before he would be able to be born. My pain was only going to get worse, and by the looks of it, it was going to be a long night - or so they thought.

My contractions were being monitored by how often and how long I was taking the Gas and Air. I was told to take deep breaths when I felt a contraction starting, and keep breathing it in deeply through out the entire peak. The only problem was, after a matter of minutes being in the bath, my contractions would start and then my body would be able to do nothing but push. I was breathing in the entinox at the start of the contraction, but physically couldn't breathe in while my body was baring down. The problem being that the Midwives then thought my contractions where slowing down, not powerful enough and had no idea that I'd started pushing!

They suggested that I move onto my hands and knees to see if it helps bring him down to the front. As soon as I managed to heave myself onto my knees I could feel him pushing me open; I flung myself round onto my back and wailled the place down. The Midwife just took my hand and said 'You could be like this for a good while yet, I think you should be thinking about other pain relief options, you're not coping right now. Do you want Pethidine? Bare in mind if you take Pethidine you can't go in the Pool.'

I'd been dreaming of a Water Birth my entire pregnancy... but I was in so much pain.

'If you think I've got hours left then just give me the Pethidine.'

They started to lift me out of the bath to take me to the bed. As I was straightening my legs I felt my body push again and the Midwives looked at my bum and steadied me on my feet.

'You're pushing!'

'I can't help it!'

She done a quick internal and the penny seemed to drop. From that moment it was all systems go. I told them I didn't want the Pethidine after all... I wanted in the pool. So they started running it for me.

The distance from the bath to the Birthing Pool was about three meters. From point A to point B took me about five minutes, contracting, pushing and dragging the Gas and Air canistor behind me as I went. By the time I'd got there the pool was half full, but my temperature had gone sky high. I leant over the side of the pool and could feel the pressure in my bum finally moving to the front.

'This Baby Is Coming!'

'I know... he's coming down nicely...'

'No... He's really... coming...'

Another little check and my hopes for a Water birth vanished. His head was just moments from appearing. I was rushed to the bed with the Midwife's hand pressed between my legs -litterally holding him in as I went.

'God, this is like the WORST shit ever...'

At least I had the Midwives laughing.

I crawled up onto the bed and ended up being propped up on my knees as the bed was pulled up into sitting possition - hospital bed style. I had a ton of pillows under my front to support my weight, and I was draped over the back of the bed, gripping the bars, Dani, Mum; anything that I could squeeze as I pushed.

The Gas and Air was never away from my mouth at this point. Dani was leaning back and forth to watch as his head started to come into sight. My Mum was watching everything with a horrified expression. She's always Ms Calm in these situations, but I could see my pain in her eyes. As I was pushing I was doing little tummy crunches; dipping right low, pushing down hard and letting my pelvis sink between my knees. The Midwives were right there to catch him when he came.

I remember there got a point when everything seemed to change. All of a sudden the pain was just in my body and it felt like my mind was somewhere completely different. I had my eyes tightly shut, and could hear the movements and voices of everyone in the room. I could still feel the pain and could still taste the entinox as I tore through it with every deep breath; but it was as though I was listening from afar, like it wasn't really happening to me. The most amazingly surreal part was hearing the voice in my head saying 'this is amazing... this feels amazing... i need to remember that this felt amazing!' - while I could hear myself SCREAMING in the background.

When he crowned Dani told me she could see him... I put my hand down to feel him. I touched his gooey hair; his skull felt all soft and jelly-like. He'd been stuck in that possition for a while and the Midwives where beginning to get anxious.

When they told me he was stuck and my pushing wasn't working well anymore I felt my heart sink. I remember asking if he was alright - his heart beat never faultered, and he showed no signs of distress. They helped me onto my back; I remember having to lift my leg up high so that the Midwive could keep hold of his head. After that I don't remember much of anything. I was told later by Mum and Dani that the Midwive had her fingers in around his head and was pushing me down around him to try and get him out... but they didn't give me an Episiotemy; i'm assuming they didn't have time. I felt myself tear. Although I didn't know that that was what it was til afterwards. I had thought it was his nose at the time - however insain that seems now. All I remember it feeling like was a sudden popping sensation.

After I'd tore and his head was born, it was plain sailing - one push later and he came wooshing out. It was a second or two before he realised he'd been born; the longest few seconds in my life! When he did finally gargle and start that new born little cry I was sooo happy. Mum was right, all the pain disappeared as soon as I had him in my arms. He was put straight onto my bare chest and although I couldnt get up to hold him properly, I supported him and kept him still on my belly while the Midwives clamped his cord and instructed Dani on cutting it. He was quite white looking from the vernix, and I remember thinking he felt kind of like a little warm dolphin... Dani was in floods of happy tears at the sight of her tiny son - but I was away with the faeries, high on entinox and adrenilin and hadn't noticed. I got quite 'high' as the Midwives set about stitching me back up. I started talking rubbish... and went a little hyper.

'What are you calling him?'

'Samuel-Alexander Alistair Murray!!'

'Why those names?'

'Well... Samuel... cause I had a dream we had a boy and his name was Samuel... now we have a boy and his name is Samuel! Alexander because my Dani [looking at Dani] I love you! [looking away again] MY Dani is Danielle-Alexandria, so my Samuel is Samuel-Alexander! Alistair because my best friend is Alistair... My bestest best friend Alistair! And he's gay too! I said I'd surrogate for him... but FUCK THAT!!!'

At least they where laughing...

'So will he have a nickname?'

'Sammy....Alex...Ali. Samialexali!!! Sounds like a pakistani!!!'

'Louise! That's racist!'

'I'm not racists! It does sound like a pakistani!!'

*sigh*

I kept taking the entinox while they jabbed me with the anesthetic and throughout the half hour period it took to stitch my tear. Samuel just lay there sucking his thumb til I was able to move again. When they took him off of me I lay on my side for him to feed. They popped him doen beside me - it was the first time I'd really got a good look at him. His little podgey face, his wee Dani-nose. He had the puffiest eyes and was quite jaundice, but I could still makeout the blue in them. Dazzling blue eyes, like a cloudy sky or a stormy sea. He was [and is] the most beautiful, most magical thing I've ever seen.

He latched on well and drank for nearly an hour as I slept beside him.

Once he'd had his full I let the Midwives take him away wash and wrap him up. I was led away for a well needed and appreciated bath. Dani was there when he got his VitK jab, he cried, but I never heard him from the bathroom.

Lots of pictures where taken in the time from his birth to when I was settled into my own little room/ward with him in his wee cot beside my bed - which you can see on my Myspace. [myspace.com/trampforsale There's also new video's up on youtube.com/mummylog.]

I had to stay in over night to make sure he was feeding properly and to keep an eye on me. I suffered a tear from front to back, had to get the equavilent of 40 stitches inside and out to repair it. My abdomen split which meant I had to get a bind for my torso to help it pull back together. I ended up with a pile the size of my thumb because of where hed decended into my bum instead of the birth canal. [And once I was home we discovered I had a Uterin Infection aswel.]

It was ALL worth it though. Every single thing. :)

Impatience is a Virtue

2009-07-10T19:53:31Z

I'm not normally an impatient person. In fact - i think i'm more the complete opposit,deathly annoying, laid so far back i'm still in bed at three in the day, 'it can wait til tomorrow' kind of person...

But this pregnancy thing is taking too long. :'( lol.

I'm 37 weeks and 4 days. I'll be 38 weeks on Monday...

That leaves me two weeks and three days from today - or two weeks from Monday. But it's still too long... I'm chomping at the bit to see my little boy!!!!

Dani is too... we both just wish he'd come soon; he is allowed to after all.

x

Nothing Is Ever Easy

2009-07-10T18:08:00Z

I lost my house keys. I think they might be in my dads car... he's on holiday for two weeks to Majorca. My electricity fob for topping up my lecky is attached to my house keys... and last night i spent the whole night not sleeping listening to the fucking thing beeping because i only had 69p on the meter... shitting myself that i was going to run out of electricity and not be able to top up before baby is born.

Dani reminded me that the baby will be warm or cool enough with out the lecky and that all he needs is what i'll be supplying from my own body - and not to panic. If we have to, we could give our food to my gran or mum to keep in their freezers so all our shopping doesnt go off, and if we have to paint canvases in candle light to keep amused then so be it. She's amazing.

I ended up calling Scottish Power and they gave me a code to take the other fob and get it reactivated. So the one that was never working is now... working. And we have electricity. And baby is still in my belly. lol. Panic over.

Next drama... my inhalors. Ventolin comes under Salbutamol Sulphate. However so does Solamol... But Solamol doesnt take my wheeze away, and just gives me a sore throat. Of course, the chemist made a huge deal out of it not saying 'Ventolin' on the prescription, so i had to go sit at the docs office for half an hour to get them to put 'Ventolin - Salbutamol Sulphate' on my prescription. Which took too long so i left. It ended up not being ready til 17:45 and the doc left me a voicemail saying that it doesnt make any difference what type of salbutamol sulphate i get, their both the same - and had the cheek to tell me that salamol doesnt give me a sore throat... Like he fucking knows what does or doesnt have an effect on MY throat! Anyway, good thing i did leave cause i would have been sitting there for two hours and missed the chemist anyway... and if the doc had said that to my face i think i'd have nutted him.

So... i'm just going to go in on monday with my old empty inhalor, shake it at them and demand i get more 'Ventolin' and make a huge scene til they fucking get me some!

Hormonal, heavily pregnant lesbian... Don't even think about messing with this wheezey, sweaty, uncomfortable blimp - i'm more than likely to take the extra three fucking stone i'm carrying and jumping all over your face with it...

:D

x

Full Term!

2009-07-07T21:28:29Z

Oh my lord, i can't believe that i'm under 3 weeks away from giving birth...

Rattled much? - Meh, not as bad as i thought i'd be.

Nesting Much? - More and more now that my iron tablets are kicking in and i seem to have all this extra energy. Lynne, my midwife, was right - you don't realise your not feeling well until you feel better... lol.

UH! BABY BOY IS GONNA BE HERE SO SOON!!!!

[excitement]

www.youtube.com/mummylog for more video updates! Get viewing peoples. :) it'll be a birth video up there soon! You know you want to...

x

One Hour

2009-07-05T22:15:02Z

I'll be 37 whole entire weeks as of midnight tonight. :)

Our amazing miracle of life is safe to arrive any time from then onwards. I cannot be happier than i am in the knowledge that i've made it to 37 weeks, and we are all going to be in the Inverclyde Hospital together. :D Yey.

Dani is amazing; she baught 'Under the Sea' bathroom stickers that we've put up all over our bathroom tiles :D

It looks so cute! All cartoony fishy's and whales and bubbles and dolphins and octopus. Hehe. Our boy is spoiled. Baby bathroom. Baby bedroom. Baby livingroom... the only thing that isn't baby is the kitchen... mind you, if and when he's on the bottle feed, or starting his solids, the chances are that the kitchen will be a baby kitchen too. lol.

xxx